I have always struggled with getting rid of things. I know my ADHD plays a role in that. I know growing up without a lot also plays a role in that. But ultimately it is something I want to get better at. I have been working my whole adult life to improve at letting things go. Here are a few things that have helped me.
One thing that has really helped me is letting myself keep things. I know that sounds counter intuitive so let me explain. If I am pressuring myself to get rid of everything, I feel out of control and overwhelmed. So by allowing myself the grace to keep things, it makes me feel more in control and ultimately, I get rid of more. For example, getting rid of baby clothes is very hard! So I let myself just pull out the ones I didn't really like or my child didn't wear. Then I put the others away. Next time, I can part with a few more as my memory of them wearing those items fades. I have a few outfits per child that I can picture them in and my heart hurts to let them go. So I don't. I put a small box in the top of the closet just for those. I set myself a limit of one small box for all the baby clothes I'm keeping for all four children. Now, as I find more old clothes in boxes, I feel more free to donate them because I know the special ones are safe.
Declutter in waves! I never make myself go through all of something at once. It's a sure fire way to get overwhelmed and give up! So instead I just choose a few and move on. The next time, I can chose a few more. This works with anything! Baby clothes, shoes, my clothing, art supplies, school supplies, books, etc. It's easier to let something go when you know you are keeping almost all of the rest. But after several phases of this over months, you have decluttered quite a lot.
Every time I unpack the next season's clothing, I make myself try it on. If I don't like it anymore, it goes in the donate box. If I love it but it doesn't fit, and it's a size bigger or smaller than I currently am, I put it back in the box to pull out next year. If it fits and I love it, I put it in my closet. Trying on everything helps me see what I really don't like anymore or I know will never fit again. For example, with every pregnancy, my chest stayed a size larger after nursing. So after four, there is no way I'm fitting in some old pre-child clothes no matter how much weight I ever lose. I'm okay with that, I like my body now just fine! So actually trying the clothes on helps me have a reality check and let more of those old things go. Here's the pants we got rid of for my youngest this past fall that didn't fit her. I think I counted 20 pairs between the ones she out grew and the hand me downs that didn't fit her well! Because we actually tried on everything, we realized how many didn't fit, so we were able to get rid of more. It feels like more work in the moment, but ultimately, it's way easier to manage less clothes for the rest of the season.
Hide things from yourself for a little while, that you think you don't need, but aren't sure. Put a box in the garage or in a closet with "donate by xx/xx" on it. Make the date a few months or even a year in the future. If you miss something in it, go get it out. If you haven't opened that box by that date, you are free to donate it guilt free. I did this with a lot of smaller pots and pans at my old house. It seemed crazy to only keep a few big ones but I was pretty sure that's all I used. So I boxed up the rest and sure enough, a year later, they hadn't been touched. A year gave me time to run through all the holidays to verify I didn't use them at those special times.
Have a donate box handy at all times. We keep a box for the thrift store, and a box for a friend with kids a few years younger than mine, within easy access at all times. We actually put cubbies by our door and designated a of the spots for things to donate to make it an easy process. So if I'm getting dressed and realize I don't really like a piece of clothing anymore, I can put it straight in the donate box. Same thing for my kids. That way we keep things moving out of here.
Remember decluttering is not a one time thing. You will continue to bring things into your house, so you will continue to need to bring things out of your house. The goal is to create a system to manage those items and get better at recognizing the things you no longer need. As well as getting better at being able to emotionally let those things go. The more you practice, the better you'll get.
Think of it as blessing others. Those items are no longer serving you, but they could be used by someone else a ton if you just let them go. Sometimes it helps to think of the items like the toys in Toy Story and remember they would probably prefer to be used rather than just sit in a drawer or box for years unused.
Ask yourself how hard would it be to replace this. Sometimes I need a reality check that I know how to get things cheaply. How hard would it really be to replace a cute baby outfit if we had another child? I know about places like Kid to Kid, thrift stores, Kidizen, etc. When we had our first, we didn't have a lot of money and I didn't know about very many places to buy used kids clothes. So I've noticed my default is to hold on to EVERYTHING (kid related or not) because my brain worries that we might not be able to afford to get another one. I have to remind myself, I can get another FILL IN THE BLANK for cheap on the off chance I need to. So I can let this one go to someone who actually needs it now. I'd rather have the space!
Set up space limiters. This is often called the container concept. I found out about it from "A Slob Comes Clean". It has been a game changer for us. The idea goes like this...we all have limits on our space, we just might not realize it. Our house is a literal limit for how much stuff we can have. Each room has a limit on what it can hold and you still live there comfortably. So if you assign each type of item a specific space (cabinet, drawer, container, etc.), it helps you know when you have too much and it's time to declutter. Our pots and pans hang on a pot hanger on the ceiling. If all the hooks are full, it's time to get rid of some. Our crayons go in a bin. Our books go on a bookshelf. Our knives go in a knife block. Our towels have a basket in the linen closet. Our kids shirts have a drawer. You get the idea. When the space is too full, you know you have to much and get rid of some. It is entirely up to you how much space each type of item gets, but once you've figured out how much space you really need for that item, it becomes obvious when you have too much. I realized my 6 year old's shirt drawer was stuffed full the other day. She puts away her own clothes so I have to purposely check their drawers every so often. It was obvious she had too much. Hand me downs are wonderful but they can become too much if you are not careful. All I had to do was call her in her closet to show her the drawer and she instantly understood she had too much. It wasn't mommy being the bad guy, but the drawer saying she had too many clothes. So we dumped them all out and only put back her favorites. We ended up getting rid of a nice size pile which went straight into the donate box to bless someone else.
Remind yourself what you are gaining by giving these things up. Usually more space, either to fit more things you actually want or to be able to better see what you already have. Remember empty space is also calming. I will never be a minimilist, but the more I clear out cluttered spaces, the more I realize a little blank space is relaxing.
Celebrate the small accomplishments! Take pictures of how much you have donated, text a friend or family member that is encouraging, or whatever it is that helps you feel proud of yourself. I personally take a picture of the pile and text it to my husband and mother. They are always proud of me which helps add to the "feel good" memories we need to motivate us to declutter the next time. I have brought two minivan loads full of stuff to the thrift store in the last few weeks and it is exhilarating! Being proud of yourself will also go a long way towards your momentum.
Side note, the picture used for the top image is of our storage unit when we were moving a few years ago. Thankfully none of our rooms look like this thanks to continuous decluttering!
I hope these thoughts encourage you! You can do it!
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